The Accessory
by Dyna Dee
Summary: Heero's newest accessory causes a stir amongst his friends. Male pairings, fluff and humor intended.


The Accessory  
>Dyna Dee<p>

Warnings: silly one shot, 1x2, 3x4

Quatre Winner listened with considerable amusement as his tall and handsome lover began relating to Wufei a rather humorous account of an arrest he and Heero had made several days ago. Though he'd heard the story the evening after the events played out, he knew the retelling would be just as enjoyable.

"Heero had little trouble tracking down the hacker breaking into Preventers' employee files," Trowa recounted in his usual soft voice. "Even though he man had demonstrated considerable talent in evading detection, or so Heero said. We secured a warrant and set out to arrest the suspect. A bald, very rotund man answered the our knock on the door, dressed in a rather unusual getup."

Quatre snickered, knowing what was coming, and Trowa paused briefly to exchange an amused look with him before going on. "He was wearing a sumo wrestler's getup. While one beefy hand gripped the door the other balanced an enormous platter of buffalo wings. The guy's eyes just about popped out of head when he got a look at our uniforms, and when Heero announced the man was under arrest, the idiot began throwing handfuls of chicken pieces at us."

Quatre chuckled at the image that formed in his head of Heero and Trowa ducking the thrown chicken wings. He glanced at Wufei to see if he was enjoying Trowa's story as well. The Chinese man was indeed smiling, but suddenly his attention shifted towards the direction of the room's entrance and the smile suddenly turned into a disapproving scowl.

"I don't believe it," Wufei muttered, wearing a look mixed with disbelief and disgust. Quatre followed his Asian friend's line of sight to see what could have caused the sudden mood change. His smile widened at seeing Duo step into the room with Heero right behind him, a large pink gift bag in hand. Both young men looked very smart in their dark suits. Duo shirt was sapphire blue with a thin mosiac tie, and Heero wore a more conservative white shirt with teal tie.

Standing akimbo, the American scanned the room, taking in everything and everyone. The moment Duo spotted them spotting them he flashed a dazzling smile across the room along with a brief wave. Then leaning back to say something to Heero, the braided man moved in the direction of Lucretia Noina, no doubt intending to wish the woman a happy birthday. Heero turned to deposit the gift on the long table holding a mountain of presents, then followed in Duo's wake. As the Japanese man moved across the room, the reason for Wufei's displeasure became evident.

"Is that a purse?" Trowa asked in disbelief of what he was seeing.

Quatre's eyes narrowed as he studied the object in question. "I believe it's called a messenger bag."

"It's a man purse." Wufei insisted with an accompanying sniff of disdain. He clearly didn't approve of the accessory, a fact made obvious by his next words. "No self respecting man carries a purse. What is Maxwell thinking, letting Heero appear in public wearing that?"

"Why do you always think it's Duo's fault when Heero does something unusual?" Quatre asked in defense of his friend. Wufei frequently placed the blame on Duo for every little quirk of Heero's personality, especially after the two men moved in together. "Heero is quite capable of making decisions for himself, especially when it comes to what he wears," he added.

"And apparently the man knows how to accessorize an outfit. The purse is quite... fetching." Trowa snickered the last, and was unable to keep his lips from twitching upwards. Despite his initial disapproval, Wufei gave an amused snort and Quatre tried, with great difficulty, to stifle his own amusement. They had all learned to never laugh outright at Heero Yuy. As far as any of them knew, Duo was the only person to survive teasing the former Wing pilot. Of course, no one else had the balls to try.

"I don't think it's so bad," Quatre stated, eyeing the item that remained under scrutiny by his two companions. "It's black. That's certainly manly enough."

"No doubt its made of the finest quality leather," Wufei added, catching onto the idea of finding something positive to say for when the two actually made it across the room to join them.

"And the long strap crossing over Heero's chest is..." at the point, the auburn-haired man stopped speaking and covered his mouth with two fingertips in an attempt to stifle the urge to laugh. He failed to hide his amusement altogether when his shoulders began to shake. The other two likewise covered their mouths, hoping to do better than Trowa at hiding their amusement, but the merriment dancing in their eyes was a dead giveaway. Trowa's shoulders continued to shake and Wufei snorted rather inelegantly, which made it almost impossible for Quatre to contain his laughter any longer.

"Hey guys, what's up?" Duo stepped up and looked at the three curiously, his smile broadening. Heero came to a stop next to him and shifted the strap on his shoulder just slightly.

"Oh, hi Duo. Heero." Quatre quickly composed himself, though his grin refused to go away completely. "Trowa was just telling us a funny story."

The auburn haired man turned his head slightly, trying to avoid looking directly at Heero's purse and laughing out loud.

"Yeah?" Duo glanced towards the taller man. "I could use a good laugh. Mind repeatin' it?"

"He was recounting the recent arrest of the hacker that broke into Preventer's computer system," Wufei jumped in after seeing Trowa's struggle to compose himself. "I'm sure Heero told you all about it."

Duo's attention turned to companion, his eyes narrowing suspiciously. "You said it was a standard arrest. Did you happen to leave something out?"

Heero calmly looked at his lover and replied. "Nothing happened. We knocked on the door and stated our reason for being there. The suspect resisted at first, but after subduing him he asked if he could finish his meal. He even offered us some." Heero stopped as a snicker came from Trowa. The look he gave his partner was enough to quell the man's laughter, if only momentarily. Heero continued. "After licking the plate clean, the suspect put on his clothes and we took him into custody."

Duo's eyes widened. "Put on his clothes? You didn't tell me he was naked! How could you leave out something like that?"

"The suspect wasn't naked. He was wearing a purple silk mawashi, and a bib around his neck."

"Mawashi?"

"What a sumo wrestler wears." Wufei supplied.

Duo looked put out. "I can't believe you, Heero. Something like that doesn't happen every day. When I ask how your day was, I expect you to tell me all the juicy details."

Heero nodded. "The man weighed at least three hundred pounds, was as hairy as a shag carpet over his entire body and smelled like three-day old bacon left out on the counter ... on a hot day."

"Japanese?"

"Caucasian. Pasty white."

Having formed a picture in his head based on Heero's brief description, Duo grimaced. "Never mind. I take it back. You don't have to tell me everything."

"After cuffing the man, Heero had to tie the suspect's shoes," Trowa said with a rare cheese-eating grin forming. "And while he was performing that task, the man propositioned him."

Duo looked at Heero with sympathy. "Man, you should have told me you'd had such a shitty day. I definitely would have taken steps to help you forget the whole incident."

One corner of Heero's mouth inched up as he answered, "Don't worry, you did."

Duo guffawed, catching the attention of many of the guests standing near them. Leaning heavily on Heero's shoulder he said, "Good to know."

"Please, stop right there," Wufei ordered, a faint blush of embarrassment on his cheeks, knowing full well how Duo tended to distracted his lover.

"How about something to eat?" Quatre intervened just as Duo opened his mouth to respond. Motioning towards the buffet tables he added, "There's quite a variety of food."

Duo's eyes sparkled with interest. "Looks like Zechsy knows how to put on just as good a spread as his sister. Do you think rich people just naturally know how to entertain?"

Trowa shook his head. "Definitely not. You remember Duke Karstan's party for Relena? That was the worst food I've ever eaten."

"It wasn't so bad," Quatre said diplomatically. "You're just not used to eating snails."

"Or tongue," Duo added with a revolted expression.

"The pickled pigs' feet were very good," Heero added, and everyone but Wufei looked at him as if he'd lost his mind. "I suppose it's an acquired taste," he amended defensively.

Duo shook his head. "You can have that and all the rubbery, nasty stuff they serve at these fancy shindigs. I'll stick to the desserts. They usually don't screw that up"

Heero gave a nod of agreement. "Thank you."

Duo studied his boyfriend for a moment, then chuckled and affectionately nudged the man before turning back to his friends. "So, how is everyone?"

"Fine."

"Good."

"Well enough."

"All righty then," Duo clapped his hands together. "Now that we've got the howdy-dos out of the way, let's eat."

Without another word the braided man headed straight for the banquet table that was nearly overflowing with food. Seeing that Heero was content to remain behind, Trowa indicated to the blond that he should go with their braided friend and question him about the purse. Quatre nodded and followed in Duo's wake.

Giving Wufei a knowing look, the auburn-haired man pointed to Heero's purse. "I haven't seen you carry a... a bag before."

"It's new," Heero replied, his eyes following Duo's progress before turning his attention back to the two men.

Wufei raised one black eyebrow and asked, "Did Duo purchase that for you?"

"No."

Trowa leaned down to get a better look at the item in question. "What do you carry in there?"

"Necessities."

It was clear from Heero's one-word answers that he was not inclined to elaborate.

"Such as?" Wufei sometimes had a bit of a problem with self preservation, of knowing when to back off.

Heero paused and looked for Duo once again, obviously hoping to be rescued from this line of questioning. His long-haired lover was chatting with Quatre while filling his plate and frequently popping tasty morsels of food into his mouth. Finding no help there, he sighed and answered, "Mine and Duo's wallets. Car and house keys." The Japanese man then closed his mouth and looked about the room as if he suspected there were sharpshooters hidden in the decorative plants dotting the walls.

Trowa gave Wufei a conspiring grin before he asked, "Anything else?"

Heero ignored the question, his eyes still surveying the room.

Meanwhile at the banquet table, Duo was being interrogated by his good friend. "Was Heero's shoulder bag your idea?"

Duo rolled his eyes. "I knew you guys would zoom in on that. What's the big deal? Heero likes it so it's cool with me. Besides, if anyone is to blame for him buying it, it's Wufei."

"Wufei?" The blond looked puzzled. "I find it hard to believe he would suggest Heero carry a purse."

"A pack," the braided man insisted. "Heero calls it a pack."

Quatre made a mental note to remember that. "So tell me how his wearing a pack is Wufei's fault."

"Remember the last time we got together?"

The blond thought about it before answering. "Yes. We met at my house for Sunday brunch about a month ago."

"I went to the garage to take a look at Trowa's bike after he complained there was something wrong with it."

"I remember."

"And when I came back into the house I had a spot of two of grease on my hands and face."

Quatre looked puzzled. "So?"

Duo frowned. "When I left to wash it off, Wufei made some comment to Heero about me being a slob and that it was his duty as my boyfriend to see that I appear respectable when I was out in public."

The blond looked astounded at Wufei's lack of tact, though he shouldn't really have been surprised. Wufei had a habit of speaking his mind, regardless of the sting his words delivered or the consequences of so speaking frankly. "I'm sorry, Duo. I had no idea he said something like that to Heero."

"Not your fault, Q, but Heero took his comments to heart. First thing the next morning he went out and bought the pack big enough to hold everything he thought necessary."

"What's in there?" Quatre quickly glanced over his shoulder to Heero and the bag that was slung over his shoulder. It was a decent size, he supposed.

"Besides our wallets and keys?" Duo asked with a mischievous twinkle in his blue-violet eyes. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

Quatre thought a moment then realized what Duo might be hinting at, a topic probably not suited to a room full of polite society. He blushed and softly uttered, "Oh."

"Well, there is that," Duo chuckled, knowing his friend was thinking along the right line. "But there's more. Here, I'll give you a simple demonstration."

Picking up an eclair with melted chocolate liberally spread over the top, he scooped a small bit of chocolate off the top with the tip of his finger, then painted his left cheek and the tip of his nose with the dark, gooey substance. "Let's go," he said, turning with a full plate of goodies in hand and making a beeline back to his boyfriend with Quatre hot on his heels.

Coming up behind the three, Duo wormed his way between Trowa and Wufei to stand next to his boyfriend. "Check this out, Heero. The food is more than decent this time. Here, have some." He held out his plate to the Japanese man, but instead of reaching for some tasty tidbit on the plate, Heero's eyes turned to his face.

A twitch of his mouth was the Japanese man's first response to the chocolate smears. Then with a swiftness that spoke of practice, the pack was opened and a damp tissue was produced. Unconcerned by the attention his actions garnered, Heero efficiently and with a gentleness the others had rarely seen, wiped the chocolate splotches off of Duo's face. He carefully scrutinized the two areas before curling stashing the soiled tissue back into his handy pack. With a click the flap was fastened shut.

Without missing a beat, Heero reached out and took a skewer of shrimp off the plate and brought it to his mouth. "Thank you," he said before pulling the first one off the stick with his teeth.

"And thank you," Duo replied with a pleased grin. Then looking at their three friends, each wearing a startled expression, he gave them a quick wink before popping a mini eclair into his mouth, leaving not even a slight trace of the chocolate frosting on his face or fingers.

"As you can see," Heero said, turning towards Wufei, "I took your advice and now see to it that Duo is always presentable in public.

It clearly took the Chinese man a moment to register what that comment was in reference to. But then his eyes shifted from Heero's face to the purse resting on his right hip. "Very efficient, but that's not what I..."

"I think I saw some big juicy strawberries on the table, Wufei," Quatre blurted out, grabbing the Chinese man's arm. "I know they're your favorite." The blond then proceeded to drag the man off in an attempt to curtail whatever suggestions he might have in regards to Heero caring for his lover.

With the departure of the two, Trowa turned back to Heero and Duo just in time to see the braided imp whisper something into Heero's ear. The usually stoic man was smiling, apparently enjoying whatever his lover had to say. Heero's free arm wrapped around the braided man's slender waist and pulled him snugly against his side.

Clearing his throat to get their attention, Trowa waited for the long-haired rascal to look his way before speaking. "Heero has been a bit evasive about what he carries in his bag. Care to elaborate, Duo?"

"Pack, it's called a pack," Duo corrected. Then with a mischevious grin and wiggle of his eyebrows he added,. "It's filled with necessities."

"That's what Heero indicated, and I understand the wallets, house and car keys and even the cleaning tissue. It's his refusal to add to that list that intrigues me. It think there must be more to the pack than he's letting on."

Duo shrugged. "Well, we can't spill all our secrets, can we?"

"Nail clippers," Heero abruptly blurted out.

For a brief moment Duo looked surprised at his lover, but then he grinned and joined in. "Note pad and pen, which are very important when we make lists."

"My cell phone."

"I carry my own," Duo said, patting the left pocket of his jacket.

"Chap stick and a small tube of hand moisturizer."

"Ah, now you're giving away our beauty secrets," Duo teased his blue-eyed lover.

Heero answered with a chuckle and grin.

"It all seems very practical," said Trowa

"You should acquire a pack for yourself and Quatre," Heero said with all seriousness.

"Well, Quatre is very neat when eating." here he paused to give Duo a significant look. "I really don't think we'd need the moist towelettes, but it might be handy because he doesn't like to carry his cell phone, thinking it messes up the line of his pants or jacket."

Duo pondered for a moment before his eyes lit up, "I'm sure there are other things you and Quat would find practical to have on hand for those unexpected moments. A spill, for example."

Heero quickly re-opened his pack and produced a small tube which, upon closer inspection, revealed it to be a spot remover. Trowa knew the man was resourceful, but this seemed a bit extreme.

Duo switched to Heero's other side and lifted the pack, giving Trowa a better view inside. "And look what else." Unzipping an inner pocket he revealed a small tube of lube and a couple of condoms. Trowa was not the least bit surprised to find those items included in Heero's purse, he'd just wanted to see if the two had the guts to admit it.

"Oh, let me see," Quatre said as he rejoined them with a large strawberry in hand. He passed it to Trowa before bending to take a closer look at the open pack. Straightening, he looked around quickly to see if any of the other guests could see the lube and condom. "You're, um... very resourceful, Heero."

"Thank you."

A voice quickly identified as belonging to Milliardo Peacecraft sounded over the sound system, welcoming everyone to Lucretia's birthday party.

"That's our cue, lover." Duo nudged Heero with a devilish grin. "We'll catch up with you guys later."

Quatre leaned forward and in a softvoice asked, "Are you leaving so soon?"

Hooking a arm through Heero's, Duo answered, "Nah, we'll be back. We're just, ah... going to go upstairs for a bit and..."

"We honestly don't need to know," Wufei hissed, looking like he'd was choking on a sour lemon.

Duo leaned toward the man and spoke more softly. "Get your mind out of the gutter, Wu. A couple of weeks ago Noin told me she and Zechs installed a Jacuzzi bathtub in their master bathroom. Heero and I thought we'd check it out. Anyone care to join us?"

"Certainly not!" Wufei snapped while Quatre and Trowa merely shook their heads.

"Lock the door and don't get caught," the Chinese man seriously advised. "That would be humiliating for all of us."

"Understood," Heero said over his shoulder as Duo led him away.

The three friends were left to watch the two navigate through the crowd, the majority of which were still focused on the front of the room, where Milliardo Peacecraft was expounding on the many virtues of his wife.

Folding his arms over his chest, Wufei muttered, "Those two are..."

"Perfect for each other," Quatre said with a sigh.

Trowa slung his arm over the blond's shoulders and leaned down to say, "You know, I think they're onto something. How about living dangerously by going upstairs with me?"

"Don't you dare," Wufei hissed. "I will not be left standing here alone to answer for you whereabouts."

Quatre snickered, thinking Wufei was as close to blushing as he'd ever seen him.

"Not to worry, Wufei. Trowa and I are a bit more circumspect than our friends."

Trowa nodded. "Besides, unlike Heero, we lack the necessary supplies."

With a roll of his eyes and a shake of head, Wufei muttered, "Thank you for at least attempting to behave yourselves." He straightened and gave the appearance that he was actually listening to what Milliardo was saying as the people around them clapped politely as their host made a lame attempt at being humorous.

A waiter with a tray laden with crystal glasses of champagne paused to let the three men take a goblet before moving on. Evidently a toast to the birthday girl was about to take place. They each took a small experimental sip of the bubbly drink. Wufei's eyebrows rose with appreciation as he tilted the goblet for another sip while Trowa gave a pleased hum and Quatre licked his lips.

Quatre turned to his taller lover, a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. "At least now I know what to get you for your birthday."

"A man purse?" Trowa asked, grinning. "Alright. As long as it's fully stocked, just like Heero's."

Everyone in the room turned to look at the violently coughing young Chinese man with champagne dripping from his nose and the two grinning men beside him enthusiastically slapping his back.

End


End file.
